[want one]

I want a gimlet. but i also want something toasty. Except i think you are only supposed to make hot drinks with dark liquors, which I am not good at mixing. hot buttered rum. that I can do but it takes about a year to make and i do not have that sort of time. It is already a quarter to three. I want tea and liquor. i don't want a long island. hot tea. fuck. I don't know what i want. my throat hurts, it is all coated in snot and fluids. I don't want anymore cough drops because the sugary film stays on the backs of my teeth. I can feel it for days.

I didn't talk to james on the phone yesterday. in the evening i got high but i wasn't really prepared and I was distracted and I don't think I'm very good at smoking pot. I haven't figured out all the tricks. I am sure there are tricks. anyway, i got too high, i threw up a little and felt suffocated until I went outside. i even splashed water in my face; apparently people do that. i missed james' call because I was trapped in a third floor bedroom on a hammock with my friends. this is silly.

I don't want to work or write an essay or solve math equations. I want meowie to keep purring and playing with my knee, I want her hair to fly around the air and stick to everything. I want it to be night out. I want stars and constellations. i want to see the crescent moon. and drink tea and drink red wine and kiss james.